His friends...

Whenever any of my close friends decided to get married, there was a part of me which used hate that idea. Marriage would mean sharing the friend with his better half which most of the time means not having the friend at all or getting a new package deal of sorts. However good the spouses were/are, I would feel the distance, being intruded by someone. I never liked them knowing our secretes or gossips.
However selfish it may sound... I admit that I did feel like this most of the times.

Now that I am married, mostly hang out with my husband's friends... given lack of my "own" friend circle and the fact that they are really interesting people to hang out with.
... I wonder at times, do they feel the same way .... :-)

Marriage : random thoughts

It was Sunday afternoon. After shopping in the scorching sun for hours together in the busiest and most crowded markets in the city me and sis sat down for a quick grab. This was just another road side joint where you need to grab plates and chairs by yourself. A family followed us in. The tired wife was taking all the pains to feed the family while the husband sat lazily bearing 'I am the king look'.
If you are expecting I will start blasting the so-called male domination in the society and lecture on plight of women, you might just be wrong. I mean I would be writing all that if it were few months ago. Perspectives change after marriage, you see! And as the the hubby says, 'we should think about a situation from various dimensions'.
If you consider this particular situation, it is possible that the wife herself had offered to do the work the husband is really tired or the wife is too dominating to let anyone handle any work or the husband is too dominating to do any work by himself etc etc... Lets just talk about what I thought I saw and what I felt about it.

First thought that came to my mind was what would I be thinking if I were in the wife's shoes. From the way she was carrying out things I felt she might not have realized that there something not right about the whole situation as she thinks it is her 'duty'. That's what her mother (the whole society) has taught her right from her birth. "A woman should always take a second place in her life be it as a mother, sister or a wife. That's the society tradition."

I guess I wouldn't have felt so. I hate such imposed traditions which have no logical inference in today's modern world. People (men, society whomsoever you may want to address) have moulded the (so called) traditions as per their convenience and comfort.

Though I claim to be 'open mined person' now, as a child I didn't even know what my mom's likes and dislikes were. She never imposed them on us and we seldom tried to understand what she really wanted. Even she might not have thought about it herself. It was so natural to her to cook our favourite dishes, shop for us, get our homework done... zillions of things... And we never realized till we grew up that it was not right.

It all comes back to me now when I am trying adjust myself in the new family. A newly married girl is expected to leave her past behind and start new life from scratch and adopt to new rules from the day one. How is that possible? Here it is not the question of having a good or bad family ethics. Its just different...!!!

Have you attended any soft skill training on behavioural patterns? The science says, it is basic human nature to react to any change with a shock or denial. A girl like me who is used to finding her way in most of things, finds it difficult to adjust to suddenly being dictated to do things, observed and judged about every thing she does. Coming from a family where you are pampered and given highest priority, it's hurting to realize that you will be the last person to be considered after marriage... you no longer are part of the family you love and adore so much.

There are times when life feels totally frustrating and beyond logical thinking and then there are times when I feel totally blessed.
As I adjust with the changes and learn my way to enjoy them, I wonder at times what does marriage actually means to me... ?

How's Life ?

"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"An Idea"
"What's it about"
"Blog topic"
"Great! Lets discuss that later. I am busy"

That's how the conversation goes in my mind every other day. The "sometime later" never seem to come. As usual I have a loong list of reasons to defend that. You will say great person never gives reasons ... ahh let's leave that for great ones wonly!
Now you will ask me where I was hiding for almost a year... A YEAR !!! yes A year. It just feels like yesterday when I wrote my last blog post. A year that has flown past turning my life upside down. For starters I have found the man I want to spend my life with. The way we met and decide to get married and even got married ... Still feels like a dream. Ahem ... It's no mushy love story! A practical decision of two mature grown ups which has turned into the most beautiful one for them

"In this world of uncertainty and confusion
We two have found each other... different yet alike
We have grown grown together in Love and Understanding"

(Quote from the wedding invite)

Believe me... soulmates do exist! All you need is patience and keeping your eyes wide open to find them. (Ohh... Am I sounding mushy here ?)

Things have changed so fast which left me with no time and less (interesting) topics to blog about (remember many of posts were about marriage and things related to the process ;-) ). All the time was spent in talking, chatting and talking even more with the hubby, shopping (spending a fortune over it), getting educated about the "shadi-shuda life's Do's and Dont's" etc etc. I have discovered whole lot of patience in myself for listening to useless advises, shopping for unwanted things, doing pooja's you don't understand, meeting relatives I never heard of and so on. Most important discovery is that marriages are not that bad after all and I can also play a good wife/bahu :-).

I know even after all this description you will have the obvious question, "So hows married life?". This is just advanced one in the "How's life?" series of dumb questions.
"Married life is great!" that's the expected answer for the question you may ask. I guess that's the most dumb answer to most dumb question. How can one expect a girl (correction... a woman) to judge her so called "married life" in just about 3 months?
Anyway I have so many things to talk about, that have changed due to this "married life"... I am living in a new house , with new family (!), in a new city (sigh!), have new job and the 'new's list is never ending. Sometimes my own impression in the mirror feels different.

Am I cribbing about it? Again that's the basic trend in our society married person be it man or woman always like to crib about how life has changed after marriage. I would say life does change whether to feel good or bad about it is all up to you (philosophy haan!). Why should I complain about the married life if the husband makes me a cup of tea after a long tiring day or the m-i-l cooks nice meal for me :-)...