I just came across this amazing video made by my college juniors.
Its made very beautifully and catches the campus life very perfectly.
great work guys !!!
*Sigh*.... I miss those days ....
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
A milestone (!!!!???)
Today I turn 25 !!!
Whoa!!! that's too much of age ... isn't it?
When I was kid, I had decided to be a billioneer before I become 30 .. I swear. When I would see Steffi Graff or Martina Hingis and what they had achieved at so young age. I also wanted to be be like one of them. I wanted to do something different...something worthwhile...some path breaking innovation to my credit... I never wanted to be just another person in the croud.
Hmmm...
These dreams may seem childish now...
Well lets talk of reality...
Here I am... just another s/w engineer breaking my head over unnecessary things... Haven't manged to do a single thing which will make me feel proud about myself (not even a bf ... :D :D)
I don't feel like working in office any more. My thoughts are wondering all over... anything other that the "required" topics.
I feel like I have lost the fire ... to do anything ... or its just a negative thoughts creeping in from somewhere.......
I gotta do something about this...I can't let go of my dreams so easily.
Cheer up baby .... :-) :-) !!!
Happy Birthday to Myself !!!
I am missing my country and my people very much.
Whoa!!! that's too much of age ... isn't it?
When I was kid, I had decided to be a billioneer before I become 30 .. I swear. When I would see Steffi Graff or Martina Hingis and what they had achieved at so young age. I also wanted to be be like one of them. I wanted to do something different...something worthwhile...some path breaking innovation to my credit... I never wanted to be just another person in the croud.
Hmmm...
These dreams may seem childish now...
Well lets talk of reality...
Here I am... just another s/w engineer breaking my head over unnecessary things... Haven't manged to do a single thing which will make me feel proud about myself (not even a bf ... :D :D)
I don't feel like working in office any more. My thoughts are wondering all over... anything other that the "required" topics.
I feel like I have lost the fire ... to do anything ... or its just a negative thoughts creeping in from somewhere.......
I gotta do something about this...I can't let go of my dreams so easily.
Cheer up baby .... :-) :-) !!!
Happy Birthday to Myself !!!
I am missing my country and my people very much.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Meeting the bigots
The day we came in Jeff (My Project leader) took us around have a look at the office and meet people out here. Boy !!! it was amazing to see their offices.
Can you imagine most of them have been working on the OS even before I was born...10 yrs..15 yrs...30 yrs !!! I thought that was really amazing. In India we have to think twice or sometimes 100 times before asking for a new desktop and they have VAXs and Alphas and Itaniums at their disposal just like that(These are the only platforms my OS runs on. And their price is range of million dollars for real...not a joke). Its like they have a mini lab in their office...Yess everyone has his/her own office with 10x8 ft dimension and walls high enough to separate yourself from rest of the world. And they have a whole world inside...Photos, logos, posters, stickers and what not. Each one is unique in its own way and its real treat to see.
(Though we met so many people that I forgot names of most of them :D)
These are the people who have actually developed significant parts of this historical OS and have been around since earlier versions of the OS if not exactly version 1. They are the "VMS bigots". You can see posters, magnets and other stuff put on display,dating back to the late 70s and early '80s. You feel like walking into the history. And its amazing to hear the stories from them.
We had team dinner yesterday evening... sort of knowing the team less formally. They were telling stories of their old "Digital" days. The days when the joined the company, it used to have its own planes... the "Digital planes" and that's not all. They had helicopters to ferry people from one office to another !!! That's very true... I have seen the helipad in this facility. As they tell us, digital had 20 odd offices in this eastern part of US what is called New England and people used ferry in helicopters for meetings and stuff. Most of the people at the table had flown more than once. By the way the company Digital I am talking here is the same company we know as DEC (Digital Equipment Corporation) from our computer science books, one of the early software companies which has many break through engineering innovations to its credit. I was overwhelmed by their stories. You can see their eyes actually twinkling when they are describing you those glorious years.
Though, all this has a darker lining. The original company went down because they has poor marketing and over pricing of the products. Now my company wants to move all their jobs to India or other cheaper country so many of them are loosing their jobs. They are really apprehensive about having the "new engineers" in their team. I can understand their feelings. Its really hard to accept these facts.
I will always cherish these moments. And now I get to be small part of this history too.
Life is great !!!
Can you imagine most of them have been working on the OS even before I was born...10 yrs..15 yrs...30 yrs !!! I thought that was really amazing. In India we have to think twice or sometimes 100 times before asking for a new desktop and they have VAXs and Alphas and Itaniums at their disposal just like that(These are the only platforms my OS runs on. And their price is range of million dollars for real...not a joke). Its like they have a mini lab in their office...Yess everyone has his/her own office with 10x8 ft dimension and walls high enough to separate yourself from rest of the world. And they have a whole world inside...Photos, logos, posters, stickers and what not. Each one is unique in its own way and its real treat to see.
(Though we met so many people that I forgot names of most of them :D)
These are the people who have actually developed significant parts of this historical OS and have been around since earlier versions of the OS if not exactly version 1. They are the "VMS bigots". You can see posters, magnets and other stuff put on display,dating back to the late 70s and early '80s. You feel like walking into the history. And its amazing to hear the stories from them.
We had team dinner yesterday evening... sort of knowing the team less formally. They were telling stories of their old "Digital" days. The days when the joined the company, it used to have its own planes... the "Digital planes" and that's not all. They had helicopters to ferry people from one office to another !!! That's very true... I have seen the helipad in this facility. As they tell us, digital had 20 odd offices in this eastern part of US what is called New England and people used ferry in helicopters for meetings and stuff. Most of the people at the table had flown more than once. By the way the company Digital I am talking here is the same company we know as DEC (Digital Equipment Corporation) from our computer science books, one of the early software companies which has many break through engineering innovations to its credit. I was overwhelmed by their stories. You can see their eyes actually twinkling when they are describing you those glorious years.
Though, all this has a darker lining. The original company went down because they has poor marketing and over pricing of the products. Now my company wants to move all their jobs to India or other cheaper country so many of them are loosing their jobs. They are really apprehensive about having the "new engineers" in their team. I can understand their feelings. Its really hard to accept these facts.
I will always cherish these moments. And now I get to be small part of this history too.
Life is great !!!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I am in US of A !!!
Yeah thats true .... !!!
Finally I am in US, in once piece... Up and Jumping... :-).
Last few days were real tiring. I had to run around for my IDP (yeah I am gonna drive here) then there was huge shut-down in Bangalore because some film actor died (sometimes people can be real stupid na !!!), last minute shopping and packing (I actually bought my bag at 9pm and checked in at the airport at 11pm... Cool na :D)
It was loong long flite from Bangalore to Paris and then to Boston...close to 24 hrs :-(. My legs were completely cramped. Nothing much interesting on the flite except that they had personal screens so I could watch 3 movies (:D) and play games.
Our PL had come to the airport to pick us up. He is a real nice person. He gave us a small tour of the city on our way to Lowell (Thats where I will be staying for next few days). We actually drove past MIT and Harward campus !!! It was cool... not much exciting though... They seem like normal residential area. I heard they don't have restrictions about who can come into the campus so I am sure gonna go down there sometime and have a look around there :-).
I have got a huge 2 bedroom apartment all for myself (as of now). My room has a king sized bed, biiig closet and window overlooking gardens, kitchen with microwave, gas oven and dishwasher, huuuge fridge.... mmmm I just love it.
Weather is just perfect. The spring is about to start so days are bright and sunny. It gets bit colder in the evening though. Most of the trees are dry without any leaves. Some of them have just white flowres all over them. Its a treat for eyes to see those white covered trees. Streets are much more crowdeed than I expected... :-)
Sunday we went to Boston for site seeing. We followed what is called the Boston freedom trail. Will write about it in detail later. I am planning to have sort of travelogue next few days . I will try to write in detail about my experince here. Lets see how it goes :-)
Right now I am learning to drive here.
Wish good luck to all the people driving on highway 93 for next couple of weeks !!!
Finally I am in US, in once piece... Up and Jumping... :-).
Last few days were real tiring. I had to run around for my IDP (yeah I am gonna drive here) then there was huge shut-down in Bangalore because some film actor died (sometimes people can be real stupid na !!!), last minute shopping and packing (I actually bought my bag at 9pm and checked in at the airport at 11pm... Cool na :D)
It was loong long flite from Bangalore to Paris and then to Boston...close to 24 hrs :-(. My legs were completely cramped. Nothing much interesting on the flite except that they had personal screens so I could watch 3 movies (:D) and play games.
Our PL had come to the airport to pick us up. He is a real nice person. He gave us a small tour of the city on our way to Lowell (Thats where I will be staying for next few days). We actually drove past MIT and Harward campus !!! It was cool... not much exciting though... They seem like normal residential area. I heard they don't have restrictions about who can come into the campus so I am sure gonna go down there sometime and have a look around there :-).
I have got a huge 2 bedroom apartment all for myself (as of now). My room has a king sized bed, biiig closet and window overlooking gardens, kitchen with microwave, gas oven and dishwasher, huuuge fridge.... mmmm I just love it.
Weather is just perfect. The spring is about to start so days are bright and sunny. It gets bit colder in the evening though. Most of the trees are dry without any leaves. Some of them have just white flowres all over them. Its a treat for eyes to see those white covered trees. Streets are much more crowdeed than I expected... :-)
Sunday we went to Boston for site seeing. We followed what is called the Boston freedom trail. Will write about it in detail later. I am planning to have sort of travelogue next few days . I will try to write in detail about my experince here. Lets see how it goes :-)
Right now I am learning to drive here.
Wish good luck to all the people driving on highway 93 for next couple of weeks !!!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
My favorite Day
What is the your favorite day in the week?
Well it may sound weird but I have my favorite day in week.
I like Wednesdays. Well there is no particular reason but I like the day just like that :-).
When I was in school Wednesday was the day when we could were our regular dresses to school. (Yeah... In my area not all students could afford to have two sets of school uniform. So we used to have Wednesday and Thursday off for uniform. ). So I always used to look forward to Wednesdays to wear new cloths :D
The trend continues till now. I still wear new clothes particularly on Wednesdays.
Then they used to have "Chitrahaar" on TV. Our only source of entertainment in school days.
It continued in college too. Initially, our only source of entertainment was the "Chitrahaar" on Wednesdays (and yeah "Chaayaageet" on Sundays). So we would make sure that we are in mess right around 7:30, grab our plates and find a seat near to the TV. Some gals would even grab place on floor near the TV. We wouldn;t even hesitate to climb on the mess table to get perfect view of the tiny TV set. We would sing along with all the songs. It used to be helluva fun !!! :-) And yeah .... we would even get relieved from ragging in first year as all our seniors used to be busy watching it :D.
Hmmm... So the point is
I love Wednesdays !!!
Well it may sound weird but I have my favorite day in week.
I like Wednesdays. Well there is no particular reason but I like the day just like that :-).
When I was in school Wednesday was the day when we could were our regular dresses to school. (Yeah... In my area not all students could afford to have two sets of school uniform. So we used to have Wednesday and Thursday off for uniform. ). So I always used to look forward to Wednesdays to wear new cloths :D
The trend continues till now. I still wear new clothes particularly on Wednesdays.
Then they used to have "Chitrahaar" on TV. Our only source of entertainment in school days.
It continued in college too. Initially, our only source of entertainment was the "Chitrahaar" on Wednesdays (and yeah "Chaayaageet" on Sundays). So we would make sure that we are in mess right around 7:30, grab our plates and find a seat near to the TV. Some gals would even grab place on floor near the TV. We wouldn;t even hesitate to climb on the mess table to get perfect view of the tiny TV set. We would sing along with all the songs. It used to be helluva fun !!! :-) And yeah .... we would even get relieved from ragging in first year as all our seniors used to be busy watching it :D.
Hmmm... So the point is
I love Wednesdays !!!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
9 2 11
They are two complete strangers.
One taxi-driver and another spoiled brat… completely from different backgrounds
One is crazy with 23 jobs in 15 years, loves his wife and lies to her all the time. Hates each and everything in world… blaming people around him for the problems he has.
Other is son of filthy rich father who is all of a sudden has been dispelled him from his father's property and now he is ready to do anything to get that back.
They meet each other and what follows is the most bizarre day in their life…
They fight, curse and even try to kill each other
At the end of the day, they find each other. They are no different… And yeah… its their birthday (Yes … they share same birth date)
They are like soulmates.
Crazy isn’t it ?
But I think it is very true. You never know whom you would end up with. Sometimes you are living with yourself for years and still you don’t know who you are.
So what is this "soulmate" thingie all about?
Someone you would marry and spend all your life with (and crib all your life about it) or someone whom you would meet for fraction of a time and your whole world will change upside down. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be your opposite gender.
Who knows?
I guess not everybody is lucky enough to meet their soulmate or identify them if they really come across each other.
I am searching for mine. Its real tough task.
Where are you my soulmate ?
One taxi-driver and another spoiled brat… completely from different backgrounds
One is crazy with 23 jobs in 15 years, loves his wife and lies to her all the time. Hates each and everything in world… blaming people around him for the problems he has.
Other is son of filthy rich father who is all of a sudden has been dispelled him from his father's property and now he is ready to do anything to get that back.
They meet each other and what follows is the most bizarre day in their life…
They fight, curse and even try to kill each other
At the end of the day, they find each other. They are no different… And yeah… its their birthday (Yes … they share same birth date)
They are like soulmates.
Crazy isn’t it ?
But I think it is very true. You never know whom you would end up with. Sometimes you are living with yourself for years and still you don’t know who you are.
So what is this "soulmate" thingie all about?
Someone you would marry and spend all your life with (and crib all your life about it) or someone whom you would meet for fraction of a time and your whole world will change upside down. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be your opposite gender.
Who knows?
I guess not everybody is lucky enough to meet their soulmate or identify them if they really come across each other.
I am searching for mine. Its real tough task.
Where are you my soulmate ?
Friday, March 10, 2006
:)
"Hello"
"Hi. can I talk to xxxx"
"Yes speaking. may I know who is this?"
"I guess you know who am I?"
"... Yes I know. But still I want to hear from you"
"Hi. Hows you?" (Oh no ... I am in tears)
"I am great. Hows you? Kitane dino tak wait karwaya tune"
(I start crying..as usual !!! This guy always makes me cry :D )
"Ab tak roti hai. Kab sudhregi tu..."
And all the fights, bad feelings were washed with them. Its been real long since we talked. More than a year ! There was a time when he was the only person I would run to in my happiness and saddness. My all time victim for crying sessions :D.
Hmm.. My Best friend.
So good.
I was just thinking ain't I blessed with crazy bunch of people around me. One ambitious techie, one hyper active guy,one pschyco gal, one akaru designer, one dreamy mallu ... ohh yeah !!!
Why do I need to cribb about problems in life when I have these people to support me in good and bad times? They are always there to bear my gibberish talks, sudden mood variations... so many things
Well .. I am really short of words here ... :)
Saying thanks will be just stupid of me ...
"Hi. can I talk to xxxx"
"Yes speaking. may I know who is this?"
"I guess you know who am I?"
"... Yes I know. But still I want to hear from you"
"Hi. Hows you?" (Oh no ... I am in tears)
"I am great. Hows you? Kitane dino tak wait karwaya tune"
(I start crying..as usual !!! This guy always makes me cry :D )
"Ab tak roti hai. Kab sudhregi tu..."
And all the fights, bad feelings were washed with them. Its been real long since we talked. More than a year ! There was a time when he was the only person I would run to in my happiness and saddness. My all time victim for crying sessions :D.
Hmm.. My Best friend.
So good.
I was just thinking ain't I blessed with crazy bunch of people around me. One ambitious techie, one hyper active guy,one pschyco gal, one akaru designer, one dreamy mallu ... ohh yeah !!!
Why do I need to cribb about problems in life when I have these people to support me in good and bad times? They are always there to bear my gibberish talks, sudden mood variations... so many things
Well .. I am really short of words here ... :)
Saying thanks will be just stupid of me ...
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Loss of concentration
So I am having this training ...
Supposed to be verry verrry important for my project. The GOD is training us.
But as usual I am off ... Either feeling sleepy or letting my thought wonder all over the world.
Well I have tried and tried real hard to increase my concentration. But most of the times I just go blank.
I hate meetings. I hate sitting at one place for more than half an hour.
My main job in our team meeting is too draw pictures. Thats the habit from childhood. My notebooks are filled more with sketches than what actually used to write in them. Back pages of the notebook full with dictation (or just few interesting words) from speaker's speech. I actually have list of words that my manger uses, noted in my notebook longer than minutes of the meeting. When all other people are listening to him religiously, I am sleeping. I try hard not to sleep or get distracted by other thoughts.
If I have to put in 'Anne of Green Gables' words, I like to imagine myself wondering in woods or walking on garden lawn barefoot or watching out of the window glasses or something interesting like that... or just throwing the speaker out of the conference room...(:D)
I don't lose my concentration when I am reading a book or listening to great piece of music, watching a beautiful picture, an animation movie or I am thinking about something really good... or anything interesting like that. Its only when I am working here. And I can't force myself to do things I don't like. I just can't.
I forget half of the things. They say I am absent minded. Sometimes I feel very ashamed of not being serious about my career, my work...blah blah. I feel lost when all the people around me talk about this code and that company and blah policy and blah strategy. But then I am not that bad at my work...not at all. I do finish my work...always in record time... I don't work extra because I don't find it interesting. It is very monotonous and boring. Well nobody has forced me into this profession. In fact I had to fight with my so-called well-wishers to let me choose engineering over medicine. At one point of time I dreamed of becoming the best software professional. But now I don't feel so !!
Is it just me or everybody has this problem ?
PS: I am writing this sitting in the training room :D
Supposed to be verry verrry important for my project. The GOD is training us.
But as usual I am off ... Either feeling sleepy or letting my thought wonder all over the world.
Well I have tried and tried real hard to increase my concentration. But most of the times I just go blank.
I hate meetings. I hate sitting at one place for more than half an hour.
My main job in our team meeting is too draw pictures. Thats the habit from childhood. My notebooks are filled more with sketches than what actually used to write in them. Back pages of the notebook full with dictation (or just few interesting words) from speaker's speech. I actually have list of words that my manger uses, noted in my notebook longer than minutes of the meeting. When all other people are listening to him religiously, I am sleeping. I try hard not to sleep or get distracted by other thoughts.
If I have to put in 'Anne of Green Gables' words, I like to imagine myself wondering in woods or walking on garden lawn barefoot or watching out of the window glasses or something interesting like that... or just throwing the speaker out of the conference room...(:D)
I don't lose my concentration when I am reading a book or listening to great piece of music, watching a beautiful picture, an animation movie or I am thinking about something really good... or anything interesting like that. Its only when I am working here. And I can't force myself to do things I don't like. I just can't.
I forget half of the things. They say I am absent minded. Sometimes I feel very ashamed of not being serious about my career, my work...blah blah. I feel lost when all the people around me talk about this code and that company and blah policy and blah strategy. But then I am not that bad at my work...not at all. I do finish my work...always in record time... I don't work extra because I don't find it interesting. It is very monotonous and boring. Well nobody has forced me into this profession. In fact I had to fight with my so-called well-wishers to let me choose engineering over medicine. At one point of time I dreamed of becoming the best software professional. But now I don't feel so !!
Is it just me or everybody has this problem ?
PS: I am writing this sitting in the training room :D
Monday, February 27, 2006
Thats me ... :)
This is just like me ..
(Copied song ... off course .. :D)
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
(Copied song ... off course .. :D)
I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I am a dreamer...
I sit by my window and look at the wide blue sky... I dream of flying
I dream of spreading my wings and rise above this world.
I dream of being on the top of the world.
I dream of changing all the tears to smiles ...
I dream of changing all the hatred to love ...
I dream of removing all the worries from the world...
... I dream of being with you
They say I am crazy... I don't care for people around me. I don't follow the "Rules" ...
I run behind things which I am not supposed to... I do things which will give me nothing but pain.
I am difficult ...
I fall down.. I get hurt... I cry...I get frustrated... I get cheated
... and I fight back
I haven't stopped living. Nothing has been able to fade my smile... Nothing has been able to take away my trust from life.
I love the way I am...
I am a fighter
I am a believer
I am dreamer
.... I dream of a perfect world.
I dream of spreading my wings and rise above this world.
I dream of being on the top of the world.
I dream of changing all the tears to smiles ...
I dream of changing all the hatred to love ...
I dream of removing all the worries from the world...
... I dream of being with you
They say I am crazy... I don't care for people around me. I don't follow the "Rules" ...
I run behind things which I am not supposed to... I do things which will give me nothing but pain.
I am difficult ...
I fall down.. I get hurt... I cry...I get frustrated... I get cheated
... and I fight back
I haven't stopped living. Nothing has been able to fade my smile... Nothing has been able to take away my trust from life.
I love the way I am...
I am a fighter
I am a believer
I am dreamer
.... I dream of a perfect world.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Lifes like that ...
There are many moments in life which come to you unexpectedly...
You are not ready to handle them or you are just to stupid to undesrtand their importance and let them pass... And when they are gone you are left with nothing but brooding about them... wondering if you could have prevented what happened. I don't know if its right or not. Somewhere I read ...
"The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have."
Life rarely gives a second chance. You have to accept what has happened and move on.
Lifes like that ....
Current mood: Not so happy
You are not ready to handle them or you are just to stupid to undesrtand their importance and let them pass... And when they are gone you are left with nothing but brooding about them... wondering if you could have prevented what happened. I don't know if its right or not. Somewhere I read ...
"The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have."
Life rarely gives a second chance. You have to accept what has happened and move on.
Lifes like that ....
Current mood: Not so happy
The Happy Gene
I have always got complements for my smiling... or laughing face. They say I have the "Happy Gene"...
Ohh really ?
I guess so ... :>
I thouhgt why not make a list of things which make that keep "happy Gene" in me always going ... somebody might be graced with the knowledge you see ... :-D.
Basic funda of being happy ....
Don't worry be happy !!!
You don't need to go around telling everybody how much sad you are... nobody cares.
"Dard bhoolane se kum hota hai aur Khushi batane se badhati hai".
When you decide to enjoy each and every moment that comes you way ... everything just falls at right places ... :-). If you start expecting from life and you don't get... it starts all the problems. It doesn't mean that you should go with the flow... but always keep your head up and Enjoy madi !!!
Whatever happens happens for good ...
Positive attitude is very much important. Very much depends on how you see your glass of life "half full or half empty"
Believe in yourself ...Let the world go to Hell !!!
Make loot of good friends....
The world is full of nice people ... you have to go out and find them out. They will make you forget all your problems.
Last but not the least
Laugh out loud ...
Laugh with all your heart out... It scares away all the saddening elements around you
Hussshhhhh
....Sooo much philospphy isn't it?
I think I can become a preecher one day :)) :)) :))
What do ya say ?
"Log kahate hai hume adat hai hasane ki
Log kahate hai hume adaat hai hasane ki
Wo kya jaane ...
yehi to adaa hai gum chupaane ki"
(Wah ... Wah !!!)
Ohh really ?
I guess so ... :>
I thouhgt why not make a list of things which make that keep "happy Gene" in me always going ... somebody might be graced with the knowledge you see ... :-D.
Basic funda of being happy ....
Don't worry be happy !!!
You don't need to go around telling everybody how much sad you are... nobody cares.
"Dard bhoolane se kum hota hai aur Khushi batane se badhati hai".
When you decide to enjoy each and every moment that comes you way ... everything just falls at right places ... :-). If you start expecting from life and you don't get... it starts all the problems. It doesn't mean that you should go with the flow... but always keep your head up and Enjoy madi !!!
Whatever happens happens for good ...
Positive attitude is very much important. Very much depends on how you see your glass of life "half full or half empty"
Believe in yourself ...Let the world go to Hell !!!
Make loot of good friends....
The world is full of nice people ... you have to go out and find them out. They will make you forget all your problems.
Last but not the least
Laugh out loud ...
Laugh with all your heart out... It scares away all the saddening elements around you
Hussshhhhh
....Sooo much philospphy isn't it?
I think I can become a preecher one day :)) :)) :))
What do ya say ?
"Log kahate hai hume adat hai hasane ki
Log kahate hai hume adaat hai hasane ki
Wo kya jaane ...
yehi to adaa hai gum chupaane ki"
(Wah ... Wah !!!)
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Break the rules ...
I recently finished reading "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho (author of the Alchemist). Amazing book I must say. I loved the part where he talks about Love .... his concepts of love and life.
I liked this concept very much. I am just putting it down in my own words.
Why are railway tracks apart x meters .... ??
Simple question isn't it ? But it has long history that leads back to roman times. The distance between railway tracks is equal to the distance between wheels of horse carriage. That distance is due to size roman roads which was defined by length when two horses put together. Nobody questioned this length and blindly followed it till date.
Ok.. so what ?
Isn't our life like that ? We always try to follow some or the other rules all our life without knowing their actual meaning. We are given some script given by our parent, teachers, friends and society ... we follow it religiously. You should go to school when you are young , go to university after that, get married when you are of this age, do this and do that ... all sorts of stuff. but we never think what we actually want to do. Always try to run in a straight line. May be on parallel tracks with what we actually want. And most of us never realize this all their life. We put measures for each and everything... "One is successful only if he/she earns blah amount of money, earns these many degrees" and all sorts of things. Why do we need to measure our success against things that don't matter to us at all?
Life is not just about sacrificing for our loved ones. Who would like their beloved people to get pains for them?
Will you?
NO
Then why do you think you can make others happy by giving pains to yourself.
.... Very true isn't it ?
Forgetting your past.
Best way to forget your past is to keep it repeating again and again to others. Unless your story becomes story of other people and you gain enough courage to let go of it. I found it really interesting. How many of us have that courage? The courage to tell others about your dark side and not to run away from yourself... I think very few of us really have the courage. Most of us just try to hide it and get haunted by those memories for all their life.
I liked this concept very much. I am just putting it down in my own words.
Why are railway tracks apart x meters .... ??
Simple question isn't it ? But it has long history that leads back to roman times. The distance between railway tracks is equal to the distance between wheels of horse carriage. That distance is due to size roman roads which was defined by length when two horses put together. Nobody questioned this length and blindly followed it till date.
Ok.. so what ?
Isn't our life like that ? We always try to follow some or the other rules all our life without knowing their actual meaning. We are given some script given by our parent, teachers, friends and society ... we follow it religiously. You should go to school when you are young , go to university after that, get married when you are of this age, do this and do that ... all sorts of stuff. but we never think what we actually want to do. Always try to run in a straight line. May be on parallel tracks with what we actually want. And most of us never realize this all their life. We put measures for each and everything... "One is successful only if he/she earns blah amount of money, earns these many degrees" and all sorts of things. Why do we need to measure our success against things that don't matter to us at all?
Life is not just about sacrificing for our loved ones. Who would like their beloved people to get pains for them?
Will you?
NO
Then why do you think you can make others happy by giving pains to yourself.
.... Very true isn't it ?
Forgetting your past.
Best way to forget your past is to keep it repeating again and again to others. Unless your story becomes story of other people and you gain enough courage to let go of it. I found it really interesting. How many of us have that courage? The courage to tell others about your dark side and not to run away from yourself... I think very few of us really have the courage. Most of us just try to hide it and get haunted by those memories for all their life.
No confusion ...
It seems everybody is having understanding that I have written all the poems posted here ...
Huuuuh ... I wish I could .... :D
All of these poems are copied from somewhere or other .... Please don't confuse me for a poet ... :)
Huuuuh ... I wish I could .... :D
All of these poems are copied from somewhere or other .... Please don't confuse me for a poet ... :)
Thursday, February 02, 2006
"Seeing" a guy
There are somethings in life which you cannot avoid ...
Being a Indian girl and so-called "eligible" to get married, and not having found a life partner on your own, yau have to pass a ceremoney called "seeing" a guy (word-to-word translation of "ladka dekhana"... :-D). There you are supposed to dress-up, speak good things about you, answer all the questions. I heard even they ask you to walk in front of them (just make sure you don't have any defect in your feet)... Great !!!
How can you judge someone in just one look ??
I have funny anology for that ...
Its like a product being shown to a potential customer.
As a manufacturer you take all the care to make you product "presentable". Most customer go for the look of the product...reliability matters least.
When you go shopping you check out the look and feel of the product, color etc, you cannot predict about its reliability and functionality. Try to get reviews from different sources, evaluate with other compititive products, see the manufacturing companies history. And then decide on the product. After that the reliability and usability depends on all your luck and also how you handle it.
Only difference is we cannot replace(or just throw) the product easily... and all we left with is to cribb all our life .. :-)
... Hahh...
Our Indian arranged marriage process goes more or less like that. First you see "kundali" of the guy or gal, see the photograph, enquire about their family, evaluate with other prospects and then decide. Its all stupid. We all do agree with that and still go for it for whatever reasons ...
Being a Indian girl and so-called "eligible" to get married, and not having found a life partner on your own, yau have to pass a ceremoney called "seeing" a guy (word-to-word translation of "ladka dekhana"... :-D). There you are supposed to dress-up, speak good things about you, answer all the questions. I heard even they ask you to walk in front of them (just make sure you don't have any defect in your feet)... Great !!!
How can you judge someone in just one look ??
I have funny anology for that ...
Its like a product being shown to a potential customer.
As a manufacturer you take all the care to make you product "presentable". Most customer go for the look of the product...reliability matters least.
When you go shopping you check out the look and feel of the product, color etc, you cannot predict about its reliability and functionality. Try to get reviews from different sources, evaluate with other compititive products, see the manufacturing companies history. And then decide on the product. After that the reliability and usability depends on all your luck and also how you handle it.
Only difference is we cannot replace(or just throw) the product easily... and all we left with is to cribb all our life .. :-)
... Hahh...
Our Indian arranged marriage process goes more or less like that. First you see "kundali" of the guy or gal, see the photograph, enquire about their family, evaluate with other prospects and then decide. Its all stupid. We all do agree with that and still go for it for whatever reasons ...
Monday, January 30, 2006
We go for trip...
It was somewhere around 8:30 pm on Saturday evening. It had just rained. Me and Smita were having dinner at a Marathi food joint after watching nice play of THE Atul Kulkarni. We were chatting and enjoying our sabudana khichadi (...mmMmm...) when my friend Gaurav calls me up...
G: Hey Ashley, I am going to Mysore tonite with V and Bhabhi and my roommates.
Me: Great. Happy journey and enjoy madi !!!
We go back to our Khichadi....He calls up again after 10 mins.
G: Where are you? Where is S?
Me: I am having dinner in Jayanagar. S is also with me.
G: I ll be leaving with me at around 10. You come to my place for 10 mins before that. I won’t be able to meet you people tomorrow.
Me: Ok. I ll need at least another half an hr to reach there.
We indulge in khichadi again. Forgot the call .. :D
My cell rings again after 5 mins
G: Where are you?
Me: We have started from here. We are in auto... just crossed silkboard. Will be there in another 20 mins
G: I have arranged for the Sumo. You both are also coming with us. Come directly to my house. We will start from here.
Me: What ???
G: Come to my house. We are going to Mysore.
Me: Are you crazy? We don't have anything with us. How can we come on such short notice??
He hangs up. Khichadi eating is still on.. :-)
Phone rings again.
G: Where are you?
Me: I am coming.
G: Come quickly. The Sumo has come I know you haven't yet started. See you both are coming with us. I am not going without you. I don't want here anything more. Start right now and come to my place.
Me: (discuss with S .. and we decide to go) okey.. but we need to go home first and take few things
G: Why do you need anything to carry with you?
Me: Shut up. You are talking to gals here.
G: Bhaav mat kha yaar.
Me: Bore mat kar. Then we are not coming.
G: Ok...Then go to your place. We will pick you up from your place in another 1 hr.
By then it was almost 9:30 pm. We took auto and went home... another 40 min journey. G called me at least 10 times by then... :-)
This guy is completely crazy. Donno when he will learn to be patient.
So we packed our things arram se.. he hasn’t reached my place yet… after more than a hr… his place is just 1 km away from my place. He kept on calling and telling us to get ready. Finally they came at around 11pm. Gaurav, Vinay, Vinay’s bhabhi, cousin Bittu, friend Ankur and Bhanu and we two… what a group…!
Once inside the Sumo…
Me: Ok. To kya plan hai? We will be reaching Mysore very early morning.
G: I don’t know. We have just started. We will decide on the way
Me: WHAT ??
G: Hume kahi to janaa tha.. so we thought why not Mysore. That’s it.
It turned out that, initially they were planning to go for a movie. So they hired a taxi (Taxi??? to go for a movie…?? in Bangalore?? Only Gaurav can think of such crazy things). Then on midway they thought they should go for a long drive instead of going for movie…. Then they thought…why not Mysore instead. The moment they decide this guy calls me up and says come with us.
Waah… !!! Who will believe that these people are supposed to be the “Professionals”… :-)
Sometimes I really wonder...Am I really out of college... :-)
I loove this life ...:-) :-) !!!
G: Hey Ashley, I am going to Mysore tonite with V and Bhabhi and my roommates.
Me: Great. Happy journey and enjoy madi !!!
We go back to our Khichadi....He calls up again after 10 mins.
G: Where are you? Where is S?
Me: I am having dinner in Jayanagar. S is also with me.
G: I ll be leaving with me at around 10. You come to my place for 10 mins before that. I won’t be able to meet you people tomorrow.
Me: Ok. I ll need at least another half an hr to reach there.
We indulge in khichadi again. Forgot the call .. :D
My cell rings again after 5 mins
G: Where are you?
Me: We have started from here. We are in auto... just crossed silkboard. Will be there in another 20 mins
G: I have arranged for the Sumo. You both are also coming with us. Come directly to my house. We will start from here.
Me: What ???
G: Come to my house. We are going to Mysore.
Me: Are you crazy? We don't have anything with us. How can we come on such short notice??
He hangs up. Khichadi eating is still on.. :-)
Phone rings again.
G: Where are you?
Me: I am coming.
G: Come quickly. The Sumo has come I know you haven't yet started. See you both are coming with us. I am not going without you. I don't want here anything more. Start right now and come to my place.
Me: (discuss with S .. and we decide to go) okey.. but we need to go home first and take few things
G: Why do you need anything to carry with you?
Me: Shut up. You are talking to gals here.
G: Bhaav mat kha yaar.
Me: Bore mat kar. Then we are not coming.
G: Ok...Then go to your place. We will pick you up from your place in another 1 hr.
By then it was almost 9:30 pm. We took auto and went home... another 40 min journey. G called me at least 10 times by then... :-)
This guy is completely crazy. Donno when he will learn to be patient.
So we packed our things arram se.. he hasn’t reached my place yet… after more than a hr… his place is just 1 km away from my place. He kept on calling and telling us to get ready. Finally they came at around 11pm. Gaurav, Vinay, Vinay’s bhabhi, cousin Bittu, friend Ankur and Bhanu and we two… what a group…!
Once inside the Sumo…
Me: Ok. To kya plan hai? We will be reaching Mysore very early morning.
G: I don’t know. We have just started. We will decide on the way
Me: WHAT ??
G: Hume kahi to janaa tha.. so we thought why not Mysore. That’s it.
It turned out that, initially they were planning to go for a movie. So they hired a taxi (Taxi??? to go for a movie…?? in Bangalore?? Only Gaurav can think of such crazy things). Then on midway they thought they should go for a long drive instead of going for movie…. Then they thought…why not Mysore instead. The moment they decide this guy calls me up and says come with us.
Waah… !!! Who will believe that these people are supposed to be the “Professionals”… :-)
Sometimes I really wonder...Am I really out of college... :-)
I loove this life ...:-) :-) !!!
Friday, January 27, 2006
I want to ...
There are looots n loots of things I have always wanted to do... But haven't been able to do either due to something or other ... and most important my laziness... :-D
Learn to play guitar and piano. I have been fascination for both of them since childhood. I managed to buy a guitar this time ... but not much progress afterwards... :-(
Learn French. I love reading and I have heard lots n lots about French literature. I want to learn French to read all those books. Somehow I feel translated books don't have that essence which original books give you. I also want to learn Bengali... to read all Sarathchandra and Rabindranath Tagore and many more great creations.
Fly an airplane. There was time when I wanted to become a pilot ... an airforce pilot. When I was a child I had this fascination to up to skies. I have fascination for the army life. Sometimes I wish I could marry an army professional.
Become a model. I know that sounds funny but yeah... I wanted to be one. I had this major complex about being fat, not looking good.. etc etc. So used to dream of being the most beautiful girl.. slim and trim...perfect 10... And my idea of beautiful gal was ... only the one who walks on ramp.. wearing most beautiful cloths.
Become a dress designer...or architect. Those beautiful dresses and buildings beckon me always. I was good at drawing and all those artistic things. I wish I were bad in studies and could go to one of these courses.
Write great books on computer science... like the "The art of computer programming". I dreamed of becoming a academician. Do my Masters and further studies in Berkeley or Stanford and then come back to IIT...Be a good proff. Write most amazing books in computer science. I always used to write my name in the authors' list on every book .. :-D
Become animation artist. I am in sooo in love with animation. And I want to make one of my own. I won't mind taking it up as my full time job.
Become a commercial artist. Well I know I am not that great in drawings(couldn't get through the basic drawing exams :D) but I love to draw. When I was in school, I used imagine that they will have drawing as full time subject and other subjects as optional (In real life they have drawing as optional subject. Only one class per week :-( )...;-)
Travel all over India and world. I particularly wish to follow PuLas trail as he has written in "Poorvaranga". I have lived those moments through his words and want to experience them all by myself. I don't want to visit them for the sake of visiting.
Become housewife. Become the most loving and caring wife on the world, in a perfect family with loving husband and sweet children in a big house like they show in Yash Chopra movies... I will cook different dishes for my dear husband, clean the house, play a perfect host for his parties, kiss him good bye in the morning and wait for him in the evening with hot pakors and tea...Enjoy kiti parties and "Saans-bahu" serials...Do "silai-kadhai-bunai" at home..Be the perfect mother to my children. And live happily ever after .... he he he... It was one of my fantasies ... I know I can never be sooo good.. but whats bad in fantasizing .. ;-)
Have a house on sea shore or at least by riverside or lakeside. I want to get up everyday with cool breeze on my face... run on the deserted beaches barefoot and spend my nights on the sand, listening to the waves and watching the starry skies.... him being on my side ... for all my life
Become a level headed person.. a rational thinker... who can be indifferent to all the worries of this stupid world...all those politics.. love...hate..anger. I loose my mental balnce verry easily and go nuts. I don't like that ... :-)
Go on cruise with my beloved
Become a carpenter or mechanic. Yeah.. it is much better than this software engineer's job. You can handle things with you hands...no stupid virtuality. I like joining bits and pieces together and make useful things from them. I used to fix things at home.. I still do. My sister still calls me carpenter...
Do MA in history. Do research on Indian History. I loved studying history since childhood. Something unusual for a person who is also good at mathematics and sciences. I actually got equal marks in Maths, Science and Social sciences in my SSC exams..(equal means 145+ out of 150 in all the three subjects....:-) ).. But me poor victim of the "engineering and medical are the only streams worth studying" mentality... :-)
Find love of my life. Someone for whom I can forget everything even myself. I don't know if he exists ...
Hmmm... so many of them. I can't remember all of them at once...will be adding more as and when I remember them ... :-)
Learn to play guitar and piano. I have been fascination for both of them since childhood. I managed to buy a guitar this time ... but not much progress afterwards... :-(
Learn French. I love reading and I have heard lots n lots about French literature. I want to learn French to read all those books. Somehow I feel translated books don't have that essence which original books give you. I also want to learn Bengali... to read all Sarathchandra and Rabindranath Tagore and many more great creations.
Fly an airplane. There was time when I wanted to become a pilot ... an airforce pilot. When I was a child I had this fascination to up to skies. I have fascination for the army life. Sometimes I wish I could marry an army professional.
Become a model. I know that sounds funny but yeah... I wanted to be one. I had this major complex about being fat, not looking good.. etc etc. So used to dream of being the most beautiful girl.. slim and trim...perfect 10... And my idea of beautiful gal was ... only the one who walks on ramp.. wearing most beautiful cloths.
Become a dress designer...or architect. Those beautiful dresses and buildings beckon me always. I was good at drawing and all those artistic things. I wish I were bad in studies and could go to one of these courses.
Write great books on computer science... like the "The art of computer programming". I dreamed of becoming a academician. Do my Masters and further studies in Berkeley or Stanford and then come back to IIT...Be a good proff. Write most amazing books in computer science. I always used to write my name in the authors' list on every book .. :-D
Become animation artist. I am in sooo in love with animation. And I want to make one of my own. I won't mind taking it up as my full time job.
Become a commercial artist. Well I know I am not that great in drawings(couldn't get through the basic drawing exams :D) but I love to draw. When I was in school, I used imagine that they will have drawing as full time subject and other subjects as optional (In real life they have drawing as optional subject. Only one class per week :-( )...;-)
Travel all over India and world. I particularly wish to follow PuLas trail as he has written in "Poorvaranga". I have lived those moments through his words and want to experience them all by myself. I don't want to visit them for the sake of visiting.
Become housewife. Become the most loving and caring wife on the world, in a perfect family with loving husband and sweet children in a big house like they show in Yash Chopra movies... I will cook different dishes for my dear husband, clean the house, play a perfect host for his parties, kiss him good bye in the morning and wait for him in the evening with hot pakors and tea...Enjoy kiti parties and "Saans-bahu" serials...Do "silai-kadhai-bunai" at home..Be the perfect mother to my children. And live happily ever after .... he he he... It was one of my fantasies ... I know I can never be sooo good.. but whats bad in fantasizing .. ;-)
Have a house on sea shore or at least by riverside or lakeside. I want to get up everyday with cool breeze on my face... run on the deserted beaches barefoot and spend my nights on the sand, listening to the waves and watching the starry skies.... him being on my side ... for all my life
Become a level headed person.. a rational thinker... who can be indifferent to all the worries of this stupid world...all those politics.. love...hate..anger. I loose my mental balnce verry easily and go nuts. I don't like that ... :-)
Go on cruise with my beloved
Become a carpenter or mechanic. Yeah.. it is much better than this software engineer's job. You can handle things with you hands...no stupid virtuality. I like joining bits and pieces together and make useful things from them. I used to fix things at home.. I still do. My sister still calls me carpenter...
Do MA in history. Do research on Indian History. I loved studying history since childhood. Something unusual for a person who is also good at mathematics and sciences. I actually got equal marks in Maths, Science and Social sciences in my SSC exams..(equal means 145+ out of 150 in all the three subjects....:-) ).. But me poor victim of the "engineering and medical are the only streams worth studying" mentality... :-)
Find love of my life. Someone for whom I can forget everything even myself. I don't know if he exists ...
Hmmm... so many of them. I can't remember all of them at once...will be adding more as and when I remember them ... :-)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Nostalgia ...
I have been part of the "timepass" group in my college. We used to play lot of pranks ... some of them I still remember. Those were the golden days...
Felt like noting them down ...
The "Gajar Halwa" Scam.
One day my friend was taking some printouts in the computer lab and making chits of the pages. They were very sphosticated looking tickets for something. I asked whats going on. He says, we are taking up one activity in the Gathering and selling tickets for that...they selling tickets for "Gajar Halwa". We thought hey thats great.. Gajar Halwa in just Rs. 5. Since he was supposed to be "the good guy" our batch, everybody was enthusuastic about buying that ticket. All the gals, junis and even our "beautiful" AI teacher bought those tickets. They used the best salesman technics to convince everybody about how useful it is to buy that ticket. You will get Gajar Halwa in just 5 Rs. !!
On the ticket they had printed time and venue to collect their Halwa. And when they went their, it was literaaly a Gajar hanging in a room with a borad "Gajar Halwa" (shake the Gajar or carrot).
Oh man !!! They had fooled a whole bunch of people....!!!
The real scam and they earned some 500 bucks (which they returned afterwards)
All of them were underraound that day ... :) .. :)
They got a good beating from everybody on farewell. They are still known as the scam people.
=========
Sontak
We had a compition in our college to name new college bus. Earlier buses had names Chetak, Pushpak, Ashwak ...
One suggestion was... Sontak
Because ... our princi's name was Sontakke ... :-D :-D
=========
Felt like noting them down ...
The "Gajar Halwa" Scam.
One day my friend was taking some printouts in the computer lab and making chits of the pages. They were very sphosticated looking tickets for something. I asked whats going on. He says, we are taking up one activity in the Gathering and selling tickets for that...they selling tickets for "Gajar Halwa". We thought hey thats great.. Gajar Halwa in just Rs. 5. Since he was supposed to be "the good guy" our batch, everybody was enthusuastic about buying that ticket. All the gals, junis and even our "beautiful" AI teacher bought those tickets. They used the best salesman technics to convince everybody about how useful it is to buy that ticket. You will get Gajar Halwa in just 5 Rs. !!
On the ticket they had printed time and venue to collect their Halwa. And when they went their, it was literaaly a Gajar hanging in a room with a borad "Gajar Halwa" (shake the Gajar or carrot).
Oh man !!! They had fooled a whole bunch of people....!!!
The real scam and they earned some 500 bucks (which they returned afterwards)
All of them were underraound that day ... :) .. :)
They got a good beating from everybody on farewell. They are still known as the scam people.
=========
Sontak
We had a compition in our college to name new college bus. Earlier buses had names Chetak, Pushpak, Ashwak ...
One suggestion was... Sontak
Because ... our princi's name was Sontakke ... :-D :-D
=========
Searching for Soulmate ..
They say human is a social animal. And they are always made in pairs. There is always someone somewhere waiting for you...
Us rab ne jab dil diye ...
dil ke do tukade kiye
Dono pe ek naam likha
Ek raadha ek shaam likha
Ab wo dil dhadakate hai
milate hai, bichadate hai
Some say its crazy.. but I do believe in it.
So I had...I still have... this crazy belief that there is someone out there for me who understands what I feel, who can make out what I want to say even if I say nothing at all, who will always be there with me no matter what happens. When I go out and fight with the world, I will always come back to his soothing arms. I can forget all my worries when I rest my head on his shoulders... I will forget myself in his arms...And I will be the same for him. I long for those feeling of togetherness, feelings of comfort, feel of belonging... feeling being there
I have been searching for another half of my heart... my better half.
...And the search seems to be endless...and real tough too...
These feelings are all beyond those practical world things ... The idea of "perfect husband" everybody has...my husband should earn blah amount of money...blah amount of property, he should look like this and talk like that, he should have these interests, he should be of particular cast or religion...
... All these are immaterial for me.
Love is not about how similar interests you have... its more about how you grow with each other in a relationship....its more about how you much you fit together. We are like pieces of a jig-saw puzzle which fit in one and only one position. You cannot forcefully mend and put them anywhere... the puzzle does not complete like that...the picture becomes ugly...
You cannot put any measurements to your relationship ... that we should be this close in these many days or we must have this much amount of talk in this... only then I will say that our relationship is going fine. That's rubbish...
Trust and understanding are very much important for me and so is patience and open communication. We should be able to talk to each other about every damn thing in the world and not be ashamed of what we are...Should be able to see each other as we are...should be able to look strainght in each others eyes. As one my friend says "relationships are simple and at the same time a lot too complex. For maintaining that you need efforts from both side. Its like wheels of a car, both have to run in tandem and compliment each other. The minute one goes astray, one cant drive too far. Again when a turn comes, one has to run faster and the other a bit slow, to maintain the balance. Thats where most of the relationships fails for the right element for creating balance is missing". I agree completely with it. A relationship is good when enjoyed from both sides. When you enter a stage when you need to "keep" a relationship for the sake of it... everything falls apart.
We read in books that there is always only one person for whom we feel the love. As they in Hindi movies "Ladaki apani jindagi me sirf ek hi baar pyaar karati hai...". But I have been attracted to more than one one guys till now. Every time I find some or the other thing impressive.. attractive about the person to fall for... I wonder "is he one?" Well...it was never a head-over-heels thing. But thats not what the books say ... So I used to feel its just stupidity. I am not allowed to get attracted to some guy unless I am going to get married to the person. Life has to be zero or one. But most of those attractions were temporary. I don't feel bad for not having any of them. I don't see any of their faces when I sleep at night or when I close my eyes and think of my soulmate.
My heart doesn't skip a bit beat when I see them... So all gone for good.
... But still the life goes on. The end is yet to come.
I don't know how to search for my man....my soulmate. I don't know how I am going to recognize him when he is right in front of me. They say you will get the signal. But how do you recognize it? Will I recognize him in the very first glance or will it take time. Is "love at first site" fact or myth?
"Kabhi kabhi ek mulakaat bhi kaafi hoti hai apane pyaar ko pehchanne me ...
aur kabhi kabhi sadiya lag jaati hai"
Is he somewhere around me right now.. at this very moment and I just fail to recognize me? Is he also searching for me ?
I know that I need to go out meet more people. I do not socialize much except with my friends, I have taken a loong time to build these friendships and they mean a lot to me. I do go and talk to people. But I am not that easy going with the crowd....I am rather very choosy. Its kind of mental block on my side. That makes me remain aloof from the crowd...makes me moody and makes other people that I am crazy. There are very few people with whom I have hit-of easily right from the very first day. It has to have a chemistry to go everything well. Once I am in the comfort zone.. I am the best. But these things do take time to build up. I have been trying and trying real hard to break that barrier.
I don't like the idea of evaluating each of every person as possible prospect. Love will happen when it has to happen. If you force it, it is bound to end one day. You cannot talk yourself into and out of love for long. You cannot cheat yourself over some false ideas and expectations...
You can never fool yourself...!!!
I need to learn to give up myself completely before I decide go finally go out with someone. There is still some part of me which is concerned about stupid things and makes me nervous... makes me freak out sometimes. Thats been kind of breaking factor of my realtionship. I don't know how to fight with it or live with it.
Will there be any person who can understand all these things and still love me? Love me the way I am and get the same from me? Or will I have to end my life searching... always having a feeling of loneliness within my heart.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
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