My career options

All these days I have been cribbing about my job and all the stuff. I am fed up with working on stupid stuff and most importantly working with so-called super performers who think they know everything in the world and take great pleasure in showing off how-great-I-am even when they don't have mere talking manners.
Anyways ...

So finally I have decided to stop cribbing and start looking for other options.
... And Bingo !!! I found various options right in my drawing room.

I see a loot of options for me in the daily Hindi soaps (Yeah I HAVE to watch them with my roomies :((( )

* Actor
- I think this is the best options. I don't need to act well or even look good. I should just be able speak up my dialogues in some tone. It’s ok if my face looks same in happy and sad times. I will get to wear most costly costumes no matter what my age, monetary status or social status is. If I am the main character, everyone will think I look good. I will always win contracts (nature of business doesn't matter), competitions, and people’s heart etc. No matter if I get married 3-4 times, kill people or do frauds and I will still be considered sati-savitri. If I wish to take a break from the series or check how popular my character is or I am fed up with my character, I can safely let the character die. I can come back as myself or some other “humshakal” of myself (depending on my interest :D ). I can safely romance a 70 yr old(he won’t look any older than his son) and have children of my age with out any pains.

* Story/Script writer
- I don't need to torture my brain cells much in this profession. All I would have to do is mix and match certain set of events like never letting the hero and heroine marry each other in first attempt; always create confusions and misunderstanding between main characters(doesn't matter if the situations look stupid and obvious), they should marry at least 4-5 times, to different people; all my characters should do some business, win/loose contracts, should get salary on first day of their job, there should be atleast 2-3 deaths and comebacks, couple of humshakals, 20 years jumps, grand shaadis, few festivals here and there (no matter what festival they are celebrating … everything looks the same). Oh yeah how can I forget khandaan ki izzat, paramparan, saans-bahu, maan-samnmaan etc etc.
I can create as many relations as I want. Every house should have at least 15-20 people. I should always disclose suspense on Fridays (or whichever is last episode of the week). To help viewers who have missed few of the episodes, my characters should have attacks of recalling previous events. Oh yeah my characters should always promote other soaps of my producer and his (her) movies.

* Music composer
- I can get away with only few pieces of music for whole 5-6 year series for more than one soap… like dhan-tan-dhan ot dhish..dhish..dhish for some sensational scene, some sad music, couple scores for vamp characters, chanting of any Sanskrit shloka (I can use same recording for any occasion from birth to death). If needed I can use songs from my producers movies, directly or adding some custom lyrics to them to add some personal touch

* Cameraman/ editor
- I need to aware of few things. Flashing camera at least 3 times in some serious scene (should match with the music speed though), running around a character in slow and fast speed, always take close up shots of face. If I want to be more creative I can swing the camera once in while in 2-3 directions to get more dramatic effect. I should always keep handy my previous episode recording to insert the recall scenes (which are very often)

* Make up Artist/ Dress designer
- “Put as much make up material on every face as I can”. This is the basic thing I need to learn. Bright is always better. Costume color and Jewelry color need not match. Guys can wear whatever they want( Any shirt-pant normally, kurta-pajama for functions and festivals). All the ladies should be given expensive designer saris. Vamps must wear designer bindis (designer = any art you can make on their forehead) and have ugly hairdo. We can make a person look old by adding a stroke or two of white color to his/her hair.

* Set designer
- All the houses look same in All the soaps. They have to have lot of frames on the wall (even in a zopri). Again monetary status of the owner does not matter. Just need to add some floweres and duppattas here and there for any festival.

* Director
- I don’t have to do anything :D

* Last but not the least Glycerin supplier
- None cries more than the soap actors so they must be needing constant supply of glycerin :D.

Bottomline:- I need another TV for myself or TV tuner card for laptop (yeah I have bought a 17" screen mammoth baby) or at least internet connection so that I can watch some “human” programs :D. (cause I think all the folks in Hindi Soaps are "Super humans" )