How much to change?

I have been talking to lot of friends about relationships. Some of them have more that one failed relationships and other ones are happy with the first person they met. I always wonder what makes a person to be or not to be in a relationship. One friend was particularly complaining about, how we get blind and change for the other person or how the other person makes us change and make us do things we don’t generally like to or how we are compelled to behave so that the other person is happy with us.

Well yes, that is very much true. We do change a lot for the sake of other person, willingly or unwillingly. But can we completely blame other person for that? I don’t think so. It is two sided affair, if someone expects us to change, don’t we expect other person to change. Are we kids to let other person take control of our life? And it is not changing completely, can’t view it as adjusting with the person because we absolutely like him/her. Just like the weather change, I like my sleeveless dress but I can’t wear it in the winters. If I want to go out in cold weather I must wear a sweater and I don’t complaint about it because I equally love the cool weather. So it is matter of choice and mending with the situation.

Oh yeah I am not talking about letting go of your identity. I don’t pack up my dress for life. If someone forces you to change, against your will and your sub-conscious tells you it is not right, you MUST stop before going any further in that relationship. And it is not just about a girl-boy relationship. If we look at any relation in general, be it parent-child, siblings or even friends, same rule applies. My mother doesn’t like me wearing western cloths when I go to my native town but she wouldn’t protest if I trim my long hair to shoulder length (which I know she absolutely dislikes). So it is absolutely mutual. I believe being understanding and accepting and not adamant is beauty of any relationship :-). I mean life is never absolutely black and white, isn’t it?

Have you seen “Runaway Bride”? It is the best depiction of what happens when someone tries to change himself/herself change against one’s wish. The bride runs away right away at the altar because she realizes she has been fooling with herself.
Does she find her perfect man? This proposal explains it all …
"I guarantee that we'll have tough times. I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
Because I know in my heart -- you're the only one for me"